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How to Manage Problem Behaviours Effectively

A common issue for parents is how to manage a child’s behaviour in an effective way, without being aggressive or punishing the child. It is vital to have positive interactions with your child that encourage good behaviour, rather than focusing only on difficult behaviour. It is also important for parents to make and keep to some rules in the household that are appropriate for the age of the child and are reasonable and meaningful.

 

It is in the best interests of the child for the parents to be able to manage the child’s behaviour in ways that will help the child to develop and maintain good relationships with other people.

 

Some basic principles of effective parenting/disciplining are listed below.

 

  • Notice, praise and encourage good behaviour rather than focussing on bad behaviour

  • Establish fair rules:

– Make as few rules as possible and ensure that they are clear;

– Involve children in making the rules if possible;
– Form agreements with children rather than imposing your will on them; and
– Explain why the rules are important.

  • Agree on consequences that are appropriate for the age of the child, such as:
    – logical consequences (for example, removal of toy from a pre-schooler if the child is breaking it or using it to damage something)
    – ‘time-out’ (such as time out for fighting to give children time to calm down). A useful rule of thumb is to place a child in time out for increasing amounts of time as the child gets older, starting, for example, at three minutes for a three-year-old, four minutes for a four-year-old, and so on. Some professionals recommend using a time out chair in the same room as the family, whereas others prefer a room that removes the child from the rest of the family for a short period of time
    – withdrawal of privileges (taking away something they enjoy, or missing out on a favourite activity, like watching television). Withdrawing privileges is more appropriate for older children (perhaps from five or six years of age) who are able to link their behaviour at one period in time with a consequence that takes place at a later time.

  • More importantly agree on rewards that are appropriate for the age of the child when the desired behaviour is achieved (for example a bedtime story, staying up 10 minutes past their bedtime, a small treat, an extra round of their favourite game or for older children a star chart)

  • Be consistent in applying consequences

  • Stay calm

 

Research shows that physical punishment for bad behaviour does not work as well as other ways of disciplining children.

 

  • If a parent frequently uses physical punishment, children often have trouble learning to control themselves.

  • Physical punishment on its own does not teach children right from wrong.

  • Physical punishment makes children afraid to disobey when parents are present, and when parents are not present to administer the punishment, those same children are more likely to misbehave (Gershoff, 2002).

  • Children who are physically punished have an increased risk of mental health problems in childhood and adulthood, and there is an increased risk that they will abuse their own children or spouse.

  • Hitting or spanking your child is likely to decrease the quality of your relationship with them.

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